It is a poor idea to lie to yourself.

It was mid October 2010 when I was betrayed and bad mouthed by the people whom I called friends. I lie to myself by telling my heart and my brain that everything is fine. I am a person whom I am. I am kind, good hearted and caring person but sometimes people take advantage of who you are. I never confront anyone, I act as if everything was fine to them, I act as if nothing I heard and I even care for them doing their hair whereas they bad mouthed me. I tell myself that everything will be ok.

I visited them as usual, I cook and bake for them as I always do so. But I realize that you must select good friends in life. It was not the first time I’ve been betrayed by people whom I called friends. I remember 2009, a very rainy day where I stayed outside while a have a room because someone who I was staying with went to where it suites her with the key. I did not have airtime to call and send all callbacks that I have but she never reply. She came around 20:30 in the evening, she was angry and acted funny to my neighbors, but I ignore her while she was wrong. I never ask her why she did so. I tell myself that such things like that will not take me anywhere. I started conversation but she never reply. We woke up every day without greet each other but I even tell myself that everything will be alright.

It is poor to lie to yourself because it’s only you who will suffer for the consequences. I myself suffer for the consequences for lying to myself, the ability to always want everything to be right. The ability to want your friend to feel right not to harm but care for her. I tell myself that I do not need a friend ever. But I tell myself no one can leave my life nor take what I have. I tell myself that I won’t stop caring for those who around me because of wicked friends.

The sound of one clapping hand

The lonely days of my life, the hardship of Cape Town life.  The days that I will never forget in my life. It was on mid January 2007, at Cape Peninsula University of Technology. I was looking for residence or accommodation since I was from Eastern Cape. I travel by train everyday from Khayelitsha to Bellville. I was an awkward, I feel so lonely, and they keep on saying come tomorrow till March. I did not know the exact person I should talk to or person who can help me. Even the SRC did not help me those hard and awkward days.

I met a friend who was my class mate, we chat and I end up staying with her family. It was then that I realize that one hand cannot do much thing, you need a second hand to have a balance. One hand cannot a make a sound. Being helped makes me realized that friendship is a best tool in life. By those days I even think that God has forsaken me. I even regret coming to Cape Town but life has obstacles you have to climb in order to succeed. I never heard a sound from a single hand. I only know that single hand can wave not clap, only two hands that can make a sound. I realize that two hands can make different in this world.

I associate the sound of one clapping hand with loneliness, when it’s like the world to out to you. When no one even notice you or your presence. Where your opinion is tasteless to others. The sound of one clapping hand, I don’t know its meaning but it’s tricky because one hand cannot clap nor make a sound.

IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE

DEDICATED TO A FRIEND

Saying goodbye has never been a nice thing, especially when you have to say it to someone close to you. Someone who’s your everything, a parent, spouse, or sibling. In other circumstances you have to console your heart by saying goodbye. It’s hard to say goodbye to someone to someone who leave you for a couple of weeks or months, how much more if you have to say it to someone whom will never see again. It’s hard to say goodbye for good.  When there will be no more chat, sms, and no more calls. We tend to be angry to someone you love if she/ he did not call or sms for a day. How painful is when she or he will never have that opportunity to do so.

Life is unfair sometimes. Life is unpredictable, you may plan but never knowing what future holds for you. Devil harms those who are good hearted and kind people. When I look around, and down the streets of Cape Town there’s a lot of gangsters, serial killers, thugs who rob and kill innocent people but they live long life.

It’s hard to say goodbye for good, if it’s for me how much more to you my beloved friend. Losing a parent especial mom has never been good. May GOD be with you in all dark and light days of your life.

May you have a safe journey to heaven!!!!!

GOODBYE!!!!!!!!